Depression and anxiety are heavy companions that I know intimately. There have been times in my life because I didn't want to continue life in the constant weight of depression and anxiety I was in. It seemed rational to end it all. End the suffering. I could find no other way out.
My depression and anxiety had meant I was broken, in need of repair, not whole and complete as I was. It was the brokenness, the unwholeness, the needing of repair that was feeding these hungry companions. They wanted me to feel unwhole, broken, needing "fixed", because that's what kept them close to me.
And then everything changed...
The problem is that you think feeling depressed means that you're broken somehow.
You're not. You're not broken. You're a product of your environment, your beliefs, the pressures of society, the expectations of others, the stories that play in your head, the crushing feeling that you're somehow failing at living, failing at happiness, failing at thriving.
It's time to start removing things from your life.
Dismantle the whole thing if you have to.
Depression will still be there. It'll never go away completely. Just realize it's going to come and go, and be at peace with that.
But if you want to be more at peace than you are depressed. It's time to become a product of your highest self, self love, beliefs that lead you to growth, release the expectations of others on you, and release your expectations of others, release self-judgement, release judgement of others.
It's your holding on to SO much that is making life heavy. It's depressing really. It's hard. No wonder you're depressed. No wonder we feel it so deeply or feel nothing it all. It's because we've been carrying so much and releasing none of it. We've picked up thing after thing since childhood and we just keep lugging it around.
We consume media, daily, hourly, multiple times an hour. Consume, consume, consume. We consume the opinions of others. We consume their moods. We consume their beliefs. We consume their expectations of us. We pile "shoulds" on our selves. All the things we "should" be doing, but we're not.
Depression is all these things compounded. Literally a product (an answer to all these things being multiplied together). There is no other way to feel. It is heavy. It is drowning. So we just be and either feel heaviness or nothingness because there is no human way to process it all. To feel joy when we are crushed by misery. To feel peace when we are covered in conflict.
It's time to RELEASE. Uncover yourself and release. Your release will set you on a path to freedom from what feels like constant depression.
I promise you though, you are NOT depressed and unable to rise above. If you won a million dollars tomorrow, you would not feel depressed. Trust that depression can flow out like it flowed in. But let it flow. It's the resistance of the feeling that keeps it trapped. Equal and opposite reaction. YOU are not depressed. You are not depression. You FEEL depressed, you FEEL depression. Stop defining yourself as the thing you don't want to be. Start defining yourself as a human that FEELS things. Including depressed, including sadness, including nothing, including happiness and joy and peace.
Take away the crown from depression (and anxiety), stop defining yourself in the terms of those things. You are NOT those things. You are a brain, a soul, a heart. You are ideas and magic and powerful. You are enough. You are worthy.
Release. Release. Release.
Inhale. Exhale.
Rebuild whatever you have to. Burn it all down and create the world you want surrounding yourself. Resist the urge to judge when you feel depressed. That "it's back". Stop giving it that power. Take the power onto yourself. BELIEVE that it will flow in and flow out.
Feeling depressed is work. It takes so much away from you. So start taking control that you get to choose how you define your life, and if you continue to define yourself as "depressed" or "anxious" then your life will be that. If you take away the power and say I FEEL depressed vs I AM depressed. Or I FEEL anxious vs I AM anxious. I AM is your foundation. If your foundation is built on depression and anxiety, how will you ever experience something else? It's time to rebuild your foundation and how you define your foundation. Depression and anxiety are feelings, emotions, experiences. They are not WHO you are, they are not the foundation of WHO you are.
And if you want to continue to say "I AM depressed" "I AM anxious". Then realize that's your choice. You have the power to say that. But you also have the power to change the narrative whenever you trust that you can.
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